There was a time when the man was the bread winner and the woman was the child bearer and nurturer. Roles were defined and everyone was happy. And then we, the women, decided we can do whatever we put our minds to. And we put our minds to being independent and having control of our finances, along with our homes, bodies and minds. And so we reached a state where we handle the home and hearth, the kids and we go to work to earn our daily bread. That's actually doing 3 peoples work single handedly. No wonder we are stressed all the time.
A 2011 study by Nielsen shows that:
"An overwhelming 87% of Indian women said they felt stressed most of the time, and 82% had no time to relax. The survey, conducted early this year, covered 6,500 women from 21 developed and developing countries like Sweden, the US, the UK, France, the BRICS economies. It was conducted online among women (over 18 years of age) and cut across social and income class."
While women all over the world work unthinkably hard, Indian women have it worst. Social expectations have risen to a point when women with a level of education are "supposed" to work. But in India, this happens without the accompanying support system of family, husband, good childcare systems, nannies or creches. Apart from that most women are expected to prepare the household food, care for the children, do the shopping, over and above their hours in office. I know of women who wake up at 4 am to prepare breakfast for the family (in South India, that means Dosa/ Idly etc), lunch boxes for kids and husband, lunch for in laws, then prepare their kids for school, then go to office. They return in the evening at about 7 pm and then prepare dinner for the family. I have seen many women in local trains cutting vegetables on their journey home, to keep the work a little ahead.
Even for those who do not have to cook and clean at home, or who dont have kids, the stress of doing everything is catching up with us. The old adage that to get half the distance, women have to work twice as hard, is true, since the mentality of people both at home and at the workplace have not changed. Ambition seems to be a dirty word if it is used for a woman, but the truth is more and more women are option to go the hard way and do it all, than sit at home and let their education go to waste.
So how do we deal with stress? Here are some tips:
DONT TRY TO BE PERFECT: Perhaps something we need to tell ourselves everyday. It is not required to be perfect in everything we do. The clothes can wait on the line overnight if you are too tired. The ppt need not have that exact shade of sky blue. The child can have one portion fruit less today. It will not matter tomorrow, or for that matter, after an hour. Learn to give in to a bit of imperfection.
EXERCISE: However busy your day, take an hour out and so something physical. Run, walk, cycle, take the baby out to the park, dance, whatever squeezes some sweat out... exercising in any form releases happy hormones in the body which can then unwind from extreme stress easily. It will also give the much required me-time that, as a busy working mother, I realise I absolutely need. Also if possible, do YOGA or MEDITATE.
SLEEP: this one needs no explanation. Sleep is a natural healing time for tissues and for the brain to recharge. 6-8 hours sleep is absolutely essential.
DONT SMOKE OR DRINK: Too many people Ive seen smoking provide the easy excuse of stress release. However, smoking or drinking just masks stress and does not ease it. In fact, that may lead to other complications and health problems which might make things worse. A civil engineer wouldnt want to have to spend the day on site, inspecting the buildings in scathing sun, having to cough away due to too many cigarettes smoked.
WORK SMARTER: I find that planning my day even before I get to work, makes it a lot less stressful to start off the day with. After that, regular jotting of things to be done, and ticking them off (in itself an act which provides such satisfaction that I divide my to-do list to the bare smallest tasks.) is a good way to keep tab of your time.
STAY CONNECTED: Delegate, share work, share ideas. Or just take a break to chat with like minded people if you feel you are getting too stressed.
DONT STAY CONNECTED 24/7: Keep regular hours and dont work late more than 2 nights a week. Take 2 days to unwind and forget about work. Try not to answer work calls on your off time. Everyone should know and respect your time off. Otherwise its not a worthy place to work. When you give time to your family or child, give 100%. They will be the ones to stay. In 10 years time this job will not be what is important. Know your priorities. You only work for the money, it does not define your life.
VOLUNTEER AT THE LOCAL CORPORATION SCHOOL: social service has been found to be the biggest stress relief. The thought of doing something for the good of someone else, gives us a sense of purpose and makes us happier. It helps put things in perspective too. The feel good factor gives a huge high which may last through the week. Little acts of kindness, like helping an old man cross the street or giving up your seat to the pregnant lady, or even feeding the hungry little kitten which has lost its mother... all small acts which makes one truly happy and gives a kick to the day. Another means is to have a hobby. I read... sometimes till the wee hours but I love it so much that I wouldnt give it up for anything. Some people garden, some feed cats, some cook, all sorts of people do all sorts of things, but a hobby helps you unwind at the end of the day or week and recharges your mind.
THINK SOLUTION NOT PROBLEM: If your job is under threat, think of your exit strategies and prepare for emergencies. Dont sit and worry. Utilise the time to research other companies and jobs available.
BE POSITIVE: Know your limitations but be positive about it. Know when to stop. Know to say NO. All this is acceptable if done with a positive frame of mind. Nothing will go wrong if you fail. The world will not stop. Your child will not stop growing, you wont lose your job. Stop worrying all the time, go out, smell the flowers, watch the clouds. Force yourself some time off during the day, take a nap. Anything which works for you. Learn to control but dont become a control freak. You can rise 5 minutes early to get that elusive 8 am bus, but you cant stop the rain from falling. You can work to keep your job, but if the company goes under, its not in your control. Let go and learn to live.
A 2011 study by Nielsen shows that:
"An overwhelming 87% of Indian women said they felt stressed most of the time, and 82% had no time to relax. The survey, conducted early this year, covered 6,500 women from 21 developed and developing countries like Sweden, the US, the UK, France, the BRICS economies. It was conducted online among women (over 18 years of age) and cut across social and income class."
While women all over the world work unthinkably hard, Indian women have it worst. Social expectations have risen to a point when women with a level of education are "supposed" to work. But in India, this happens without the accompanying support system of family, husband, good childcare systems, nannies or creches. Apart from that most women are expected to prepare the household food, care for the children, do the shopping, over and above their hours in office. I know of women who wake up at 4 am to prepare breakfast for the family (in South India, that means Dosa/ Idly etc), lunch boxes for kids and husband, lunch for in laws, then prepare their kids for school, then go to office. They return in the evening at about 7 pm and then prepare dinner for the family. I have seen many women in local trains cutting vegetables on their journey home, to keep the work a little ahead.
Even for those who do not have to cook and clean at home, or who dont have kids, the stress of doing everything is catching up with us. The old adage that to get half the distance, women have to work twice as hard, is true, since the mentality of people both at home and at the workplace have not changed. Ambition seems to be a dirty word if it is used for a woman, but the truth is more and more women are option to go the hard way and do it all, than sit at home and let their education go to waste.
So how do we deal with stress? Here are some tips:
DONT TRY TO BE PERFECT: Perhaps something we need to tell ourselves everyday. It is not required to be perfect in everything we do. The clothes can wait on the line overnight if you are too tired. The ppt need not have that exact shade of sky blue. The child can have one portion fruit less today. It will not matter tomorrow, or for that matter, after an hour. Learn to give in to a bit of imperfection.
EXERCISE: However busy your day, take an hour out and so something physical. Run, walk, cycle, take the baby out to the park, dance, whatever squeezes some sweat out... exercising in any form releases happy hormones in the body which can then unwind from extreme stress easily. It will also give the much required me-time that, as a busy working mother, I realise I absolutely need. Also if possible, do YOGA or MEDITATE.
SLEEP: this one needs no explanation. Sleep is a natural healing time for tissues and for the brain to recharge. 6-8 hours sleep is absolutely essential.
DONT SMOKE OR DRINK: Too many people Ive seen smoking provide the easy excuse of stress release. However, smoking or drinking just masks stress and does not ease it. In fact, that may lead to other complications and health problems which might make things worse. A civil engineer wouldnt want to have to spend the day on site, inspecting the buildings in scathing sun, having to cough away due to too many cigarettes smoked.
WORK SMARTER: I find that planning my day even before I get to work, makes it a lot less stressful to start off the day with. After that, regular jotting of things to be done, and ticking them off (in itself an act which provides such satisfaction that I divide my to-do list to the bare smallest tasks.) is a good way to keep tab of your time.
STAY CONNECTED: Delegate, share work, share ideas. Or just take a break to chat with like minded people if you feel you are getting too stressed.
DONT STAY CONNECTED 24/7: Keep regular hours and dont work late more than 2 nights a week. Take 2 days to unwind and forget about work. Try not to answer work calls on your off time. Everyone should know and respect your time off. Otherwise its not a worthy place to work. When you give time to your family or child, give 100%. They will be the ones to stay. In 10 years time this job will not be what is important. Know your priorities. You only work for the money, it does not define your life.
VOLUNTEER AT THE LOCAL CORPORATION SCHOOL: social service has been found to be the biggest stress relief. The thought of doing something for the good of someone else, gives us a sense of purpose and makes us happier. It helps put things in perspective too. The feel good factor gives a huge high which may last through the week. Little acts of kindness, like helping an old man cross the street or giving up your seat to the pregnant lady, or even feeding the hungry little kitten which has lost its mother... all small acts which makes one truly happy and gives a kick to the day. Another means is to have a hobby. I read... sometimes till the wee hours but I love it so much that I wouldnt give it up for anything. Some people garden, some feed cats, some cook, all sorts of people do all sorts of things, but a hobby helps you unwind at the end of the day or week and recharges your mind.
THINK SOLUTION NOT PROBLEM: If your job is under threat, think of your exit strategies and prepare for emergencies. Dont sit and worry. Utilise the time to research other companies and jobs available.
BE POSITIVE: Know your limitations but be positive about it. Know when to stop. Know to say NO. All this is acceptable if done with a positive frame of mind. Nothing will go wrong if you fail. The world will not stop. Your child will not stop growing, you wont lose your job. Stop worrying all the time, go out, smell the flowers, watch the clouds. Force yourself some time off during the day, take a nap. Anything which works for you. Learn to control but dont become a control freak. You can rise 5 minutes early to get that elusive 8 am bus, but you cant stop the rain from falling. You can work to keep your job, but if the company goes under, its not in your control. Let go and learn to live.
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