Recently I was sent a questionnaire on Anger Management in the workplace by a journo who would base her article on my answers. While answering the questions, I found them quite pertinent and useful for us, who struggle in the workplace with various issues but cannot get them out in the open. The top reason for a person leaving a job may be a bad boss, but nasty colleagues are not far down the line. I have seen people leave their jobs after being hounded for years by one or a team of colleagues who had grouped up against them and made every passing day a nightmare. I have been (mostly) lucky to have worked with friendly, guiding and kind people, mostly, some of whom have turned out to be lifelong friends. Not always, though.
From the beginning of my career I have worked with people who would never come in on time, even if a team was waiting for him to start a meeting, would always sulk, would always be calling the boyfriend of the moment, would always be fighting over candidates, would always be saving yahoo chats for future (blackmailing) purposes, would always be complaining about everything at work, would always be negative, would always be gossiping... And I am talking of different people.
However, mostly I have had good working relationships in the workplace. Not everyone is as lucky and I know of more than one person who have gone through hell in the workplace and lived to tell the tale.
There are the colleagues who will not help you when you need help, there will be the groaner and complainer, who makes the air toxic with negativity, there will be the drama queen who always needs attention all the time, or the back stabbing type who will try to grab all the attention. Here are some situations you may face in the workplace and how to deal with them and most importantly, how to manage your anger in such situations:
The Hindustan Times Brunch article can be found here http://www.hindustantimes.com/Brunch/Brunch-Stories/Why-so-angry/Article1-1087690.aspx
From the beginning of my career I have worked with people who would never come in on time, even if a team was waiting for him to start a meeting, would always sulk, would always be calling the boyfriend of the moment, would always be fighting over candidates, would always be saving yahoo chats for future (blackmailing) purposes, would always be complaining about everything at work, would always be negative, would always be gossiping... And I am talking of different people.
However, mostly I have had good working relationships in the workplace. Not everyone is as lucky and I know of more than one person who have gone through hell in the workplace and lived to tell the tale.
There are the colleagues who will not help you when you need help, there will be the groaner and complainer, who makes the air toxic with negativity, there will be the drama queen who always needs attention all the time, or the back stabbing type who will try to grab all the attention. Here are some situations you may face in the workplace and how to deal with them and most importantly, how to manage your anger in such situations:
WHEN A
CO-WORKER REFUSES TO COOPERATE
Reaction: The immediate
reaction might be anger and a feeling of revenge. One might even take it to the
next level and talking to the supervisor to mediate and solve the issue.
Think: Refusal to cooperate
might just be stemming from a lack of communication or from a conflict of
interest between two people. One must try to gauge if there is a feeling of
competition or fear of the other person being better. One might be trying to
just do a good job but the perception of competition might create a conflict.
In such a scenario,
one might want to resolve the conflict of interest. Keeping in mind the other
persons needs, wants and desires, one might want to back off for a moment to
see if there is a lack of training involved, or if there is any real issue. If
the issue is only fear, then one might want to allay the fear by identifying
the other person’s interests.
Do: The best way would be
to show empathy and to align both people’s interests. A frank talk about the
conflict of interest might solve the issue in an amicable fashion.
Dont do: Definitely do not
increase tensions by taking it on ones ego and increasing the miscommunication.
Not to strain the relationship further by not talking about it or by talking
about it to others.
WHEN YOUR
COLLEAGUE IS RUDE/NASTY TO YOU
Reaction: Shock or anger. If
the behaviour is chronic then it might lead to bad relationships with the
colleague. Take it personally.
Think: React with dignity.
Talk to the manager and explain the situation with objectivity. With the
colleague, act with confidence and say that this behaviour is not professional
and not appreciated. Remember that it is not personal.
Do: Damage control has to
be usually done by the rude colleague. Communication is key with one keeping
line managers and HR in the loop about chronic rude people. Otherwise, just a
frank talk should suffice.
Dont do: Dont be rude or nasty in
return. Or talk behind the colleagues back.
WHEN YOUR
COLLEAGUE TAKES CREDIT FOR YOUR WORK
Reaction: Frustration and
anger.
Think: One should always
keep a written record of one’s work. This should be shared regularly with the
manager at intervals. For credit thieves, one should tackle them directly and
correct misconception with colleagues and seniors.
Do: Again, communication
is required. One should clear misconception among others about the work. One
can also talk to the colleague in question and ask him or her to stop the
behaviour.
Dont do: Talk behind the back
of the perpetrator. Spread rumours.
WHEN
COLLEAGUES BITCH ABOUT YOU BEHIND YOUR BACK
Reaction: Feeling offended,
angry and reacting by saying something in return.
Think: Usually not to react
is the best reaction. The gossip monger/s should be tackled with dignity. It is
also important to laugh about oneself to make the situation light and diffuse
it. Also one may keep a distance with these colleagues. Remember people bitch
when they are jealous of ones success.
Do: Deal with any rumours
being spread by making it clear to all that the behaviour will not be
tolerated. If it is a potentially harmful rumour then one should talk to the
person it may reach and harm you most, and clear the air. Otherwise ignoring
such behaviour is the best way.
Dont do: Spread gossip or
bitch in retaliation.
